Alone
by RebelYell1205
Summary: He hurts and he is alone. Alex-centric, prompted by a line from Bailey in 6.04 and Izzie's recent departure.


Alone

By Rebel Yell

He woke up alone. The nurses in recovery were busy, and he did nothing to alert them to his wakefulness. He hurt, a lot, but he recognized the room around him and whatever had happened he'd been in surgery and not as a surgeon, which explained why he hurt. He was still drowsy, just out of the anesthesia and he wouldn't be awake long, he was already drifting off again. He'd never really noticed how ugly the recovery room was – industrial green tiles were hideous – he'd have to remember to ask Meredith if she'd noticed that too. Just as his eyes shut again he saw a vaguely familiar face lean over him. Maybe she'd been there when he'd snuck in to make sure Izzie didn't wake up alone after her surgeries. Maybe.

He woke up alone. Without even opening his eyes, he knew he was in ICU. It had a certain sound and a certain feel and an oddly noisy silence. He hurt. In fact, he hurt a lot. He wanted to sleep, he knew it was what patients were supposed to do, but he couldn't sleep for the pain. He could barely think through the pain. He wondered if it was completely twisted that he was grateful for the pain. If he could just concentrate on the physical hurt, maybe the rest of the hurt would fade for awhile. His body had hurt before, he knew how to deal with that, and he knew it would end eventually. He wasn't sure about the other hurt. Maybe.

He woke up alone. He was in ICU, he remembered, something had happened though he didn't know what. He was alone and he hurt, and he tried to ignore the hurt that came from the fact that he was alone. This is what happened when you give people access to your heart, they tear it into little pieces and leave only the excruciating pain behind. He was alone, he'd always been alone and he'd always be alone. He'd never needed anyone before, and he was going to get through this – whatever this was – on his own, too. It would be nice, though, to have someone. A person, Meredith called it. He thought he had a person, but he was an idiot. He wondered if maybe the hospital could find Izzie where he couldn't. Maybe she'd answer a call from the hospital. Maybe she'd come back when she knew he was hurt. Maybe.

He woke up alone. It was dark, but he had a window that let in just enough light to see and he looked around the room. Nothing to mark it as his, not like Izzie's room had been, not like most patients'. He wondered how long he'd been here, had it even been long enough for anyone to realize he was here. Guys like him weren't missed. Not until they missed a shift and he couldn't remember his schedule this week, couldn't even remember what day it was or what week exactly. All he remembered was that Izzie was gone and O'Malley too and the oranges were beating the blues because there were only two blues left to fight instead of five. He wondered if he'd have a job when he got better, or if you fell behind you got left behind in a merger and he wondered if he'd go back to doing what he'd done in high school and college to pay the bills. Maybe Izzie would come back and not care that he was fired too, he could make a living as a mechanic. Not like a surgeon, but maybe she'd stay anyway, if she came back, and it wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe.

He woke up alone. They'd extubated him the day before, and he knew it had been five days since the accident, and he was being moved out of the ICU today. He knew what had happened and why he was here. He didn't know if he still had a job, and therefore insurance. He knew that pretty much everyone important knew about what had happened to him, his nurse had told him that much, but he didn't know why no one was ever there. He didn't know why no one but his own doctors came to talk to him. He didn't know if Izzie knew. He didn't know if she knew and didn't come, because he'd done something very wrong clearly though he didn't know what and she was so mad at him and he knew deserved it because he always did, but he wished she'd come anyway. Maybe she didn't know and that was why he woke up alone. He figured she knew and she didn't care, but maybe she didn't know. Maybe she'd come soon and maybe that would help it all stop hurting all the time. Maybe.

He woke up alone. He still hurt.


End file.
